It’s nice if your wife helps her parents out every now and then, but what should you do if she seems to be going too far? I mean, she spends a lot on her parents without thinking about your own family.
We owe our parents a lot. They gave us life, they nurtured us, and they raised us to be who we are now. Some parents even go to the extreme of financially supporting their adult children when they’re in need.
The kind of love and devotion parents give their children deserves to be reciprocated. The least we can do for them is to help them out in return for all the hard work they put in just to feed us and give us an education, right?
As single people, it’s easier to set aside part of our income to help our parents out, but once we get married, our priorities change and we need to focus on the family we are building. Of course this doesn’t mean we should just stop giving our parents a hand entirely, but our new family should come first, especially when we start having children of our own.
How to Approach Your Wife About the Problem
Women are usually more attached to their parents than men are, which is why they are more inclined to give them financial support from time to time. It’s usually nothing to be alarmed about, but there are times when a wife’s devotion to her parents goes a little too far.
This is actually a common problem couples go through. It doesn’t matter what their financial status is. A line must be drawn somewhere, but the question is what should you do when your wife seems to be spending all her money on her parents to the point that it’s making a dent on your family’s finances? [Also Read: How Money Affects Relationships]
Confronting your wife can be a little bit tricky, especially if she feels that you’re making her choose between her parents and your marriage. Here are some steps you can take to settle the issue once and for all in order to avoid further friction down the road.
- Talk it over.
Tell your wife about how you feel regarding the situation, but be open to what she has to say as well. It’s important for you to be able to understand her motives as much as she needs to understand where you’re coming from with this issue.
It’s always good to put yourself in her shoes and imagine how you would feel if you were the one providing for your parents. This will help you come to a more suitable compromise.
- Study your finances.
If it’s really important to your wife to be able to provide for her parents, you can list all your combined income and expenses to see if there’s enough room to accommodate supporting her parents financially.
Make her understand that if there’s no room in the budget for it, she may have to cut down on what she’s giving them or find a way to earn some extra money to give to her parents. Once she sees evidence of the impact her actions create, she will understand why you are upset.
- Discuss a more suitable financial arrangement.
Instead of pooling your money together to pay for the expenses, you can divide the expenses up so that both of you have equal financial responsibility.
Being responsible for certain important expenses will give your wife a chance to manage her own income and find a way to fulfill her obligations to your family and still have some extra for her parents.
- Set an example.
If you’re spending a lot of money on your hobbies or if you have non-essential expenses, you might want to cut back on them as well.
When she sees that you’re willing to give up or cut back on something that’s important to you, it will be easier for her to do the same. [Read – 10 Basic Steps To Be a Better Husband With The Least Effort]
- Agree on a spending limit.
If it’s absolutely necessary to keep helping her parents, it’s a good idea to limit it to just the essentials. This way, your wife won’t feel like she’s leaving her parents to fend for themselves without going overboard on her spending.
When discussing sensitive things like finances, make sure that you keep the discussion between the two of you. There may be other people involved, but this is your problem and you will solve it as a couple.
She may not understand why you’re so upset at first, but if you’re patient enough to be able to explain everything to her in a way that she will understand where you’re coming from and where you’re going with the discussion, then your wife will be more inclined to listen to you and help you solve this issue.