I got a complaint to file to the Relationship Ministry; there should be a class at schools where children were trained in Relationship Management, with a course in how to make a long distance relationship work.
If there’s something that’s UNPREDICTABLE, SNEAKY, and HARD to handle, this definitely applies more so to relationships, not the market economy.
Because if we were to be honest, no one is ever fully prepared for the heart-wrenching moment, when two souls that are perfectly synced, have to be separated.
Whoever goes about telling people how relationships are little sanctuaries of love and passion, needs to be arrested. At least!
I got a question for you ‘Mr Relationships are Great’, have you had to go through a long distance relationship? I bet it felt fabulous! Please enlighten me, on what I’ve been missing 😀
Sympathetic to how painful such a relationship can be, we have put together a variety of tips to help your relationship survive through it all.
Communication is what glued you two together when you’re still living at the same Zip Code. If this human need breaks down, then everything else will soon follow.
No matter how intense the LOVE you might hold for each other is, if there’s no proper, functioning communication, things can become distant pretty fast.
Communication should be based on three PRINCIPLES – honesty, continuity and openness.
LDR QuoteJust because you’re 2539 miles away from each other, you’re not magically entitled to lie.
It’s not about them eventually finding out.
More so, it’s about creating the wrong habits, that are morally wrong and eventually these habits will be the downfall of your relationship.
Also, if communication is open, in the sense that both are making an effort to keep it running smoothly, it will prevent you from entering that dreaded phase, when your conversations mostly go like this:
– Hey, how are you, dear?
– Great baby, you?
– The same old. Missing you. Lots.
– Yea, me too.
– So, how was your day?
– Not much, school, gym, now talking with you!
– Me too, just got back from work. Really tired.
– Anyway, we’ll talk later I guess. Love you.
– Love you too, bye!
You see, after a while when two people live apart, they naturally run out of things to say. Their new life is boring to the point of becoming utterly depressing. It’s not that they don’t love each other anymore. They just get stuck in a rut that they don’t know how to fix.
When people are close to each other they feel at ease and can thus share thoughts and feelings much easier. So when we say communication needs to be open, we mean it has to be resourceful and in-depth.
It should work on bringing you closer despite the geographical distance. Open communication, keeps the intimacy going and of course, keeps you two impeccably synced.
Don’t worry in case you have run out of things to say, there are so many things you could bring up:
– Family and childhood – This is a pretty inexhaustible subject. There are too many embarrassing and incredibly shameful stories to share with your significant other. And we didn’t even mention parents’ photographs.
Have you even seen your mum’s (and regrettably, dad’s) hair from the 80′s? What about their sweat pants and going out clothes? Oh, that would last you for hours, if your bellies don’t hurt from laughing too much that is!
– Dreams and Thoughts – This can be as general as you wish it to be. Discuss your near future dreams, how it’s going to be once you’re back together. Or go big.
Try to imagine yourselves 15 years from now. Would it be with a bunch of babies, or an envious CEO career?
– Morals and Beliefs – It is most likely that this one will rather be a revelation; most of your beliefs will either get firmer or you might have to reconsider a few, because of the new experiences. You can discuss about past relationships, life, parenthood and family, education, money, your careers.
When your conversations are content, they also acquire MEANING. They get to have an emotional significance and impact, as they bring you closer.
If there’s one thing I’ve learnt is to never stop asking questions. Not only do they express interest in the other person’s thoughts, they also allow you to bond at a very deep level.
Don’t let distance PREVENT you from having a shared life. By sharing emails, pictures, videos and anything else that’s part of your daily life, will keep you connected and in tune with each other.
Communication needs to be continuous too. This doesn’t mean that if you miss a call one day, that your relationship is ended. It means striving to have a constant flow of communication so that both will feel satisfied.
When I had to go through my own long distance relationship (LDR), I was the one always unsatisfied with how much we talked. I would cling to our chats as the only thing I had of him.
But that was wrong of course…
It took me some time to realize that no matter how many hours we talked over the phone, Skype etc., would never suffice (because it could never perfectly substitute physical presence).
So, I decided to go with fewer instances of communication, to seek quality not quantity. Just as long as your communication is consistent, it will be enough, trust me!
When communication is open, honest and constant you’ll manage to preserve the intimacy that so many people lose, simply because they don’t know how to handle communication.
Now that we’ve pretty much exhausted the issue of communication, let’ see what else needs to be done for an LDR to work.
2. Enough With the Talk
It might sound illogical, but if you think about your daily life together, you’ll soon realize you actually do more things than talking, maybe that’s why phone calls soon get boring in long distance relationships.
SCHEDULE activities that can be done virtually. They are fun, stress-relieving and give you a sense of closeness even when there’s none.
The idea is to not let distance drive you apart. You still can prepare meals together, eat dinner, watch your favorite TV show, you’ll just be doing them in separate rooms, that’s all.
More and more people, thanks to technology, manage to spend time virtually. Get to play your favorite multiplayer online role-playing game (MMPORG), chances are your boyfriend is already hooked with one, why not join him?
3. Get Out There
Don’t fall for the same trap, everyone else is. Just because one of you has had to move elsewhere, doesn’t mean that life as you know it has ended.
From whichever side you look at it you can only benefit yourself and your relationship by making the effort to have a life outside of your relationship.
If you’re the one left behind, you still have all your friends, hobbies and places to go, just like before. If you’re the one who’s left, think of all the unexplored places and people you can potentially discover.
By having a life of your own, one that’s discreet from your LDR lover, it will give you support, and an anxiety-releasing outlet, along with some sort of emotional balance.
Don’t see it as indifference to go out and have fun, see it as your duty to make your long distance relationship work. When you actually go out and live:
- You’ll immediately have so much more to talk about with your lover,
- Feel energized and not emotional,
- Fill your time so that you won’t be depressed
- It’s always an opportunity for self-exploration and growth.
- You’ll protect your health by socializing and opening up, creating new roots at your new place of residence.
4. Lack of Trust, the Demons of Suspicion
It’s really a paradox, but when you’re in a long distance relationship you need to increase trust, when trust itself naturally decreases. This inability for reaching out, for being close, makes us suspicious, jealous and most of the time plain paranoid.
Don’t let that take control of you. For a relationship to work, you need to give them all your TRUST. If you cannot trust your partner in a LDR, this is not a relationship that is meant to be.
5. The END Date
Not the end of your relationship, the end of your plight of living apart-together. Setting a clear and fixed end date, will be utterly satisfying:
Motivation, don’t underestimate the power of goals. If you know in 3 months, in 1 and a half year, all this – the living apart – is going to end it gives you hope, and strength to go on.
Focus, an end date gives you the clarity to focus on what matters, to avoid fleeting temptations and stay concentrated on keeping yourself and your relationship together.
6. Never Stop Showing Love
Gifts can go a long way in long distance relationships. Find something special and mail it, gifts have this extraordinary power to wholeheartedly spread love and affection to the recipient.
Especially now that you’re apart, expressing love is more than essential; give love and it will come back to you thrice fold. With gifts, you get to have your very own exchange ritual, through which support, affection and intimacy are all nurtured.
Long distance relationships can be daunting, there is no doubt about that.
However, sticking to a few GROUND RULES and giving all you have, will almost ensure that your relationship not only will work, but your connection will come out of it much stronger.
If you can survive a long-distance relationship, your love then is pretty indestructible.