From secrets to changes in behavior and a lack of sex, find out the warning signs your husband wants a divorce and what to do when it happens.
Divorce can happen for many reasons.
Whether it’s something obvious like an affair or abuse, or just a general incompatibility that can’t be fixed, it’s typical for one partner to make the decision to divorce before the other spouse knows it’s coming.
There obviously isn’t a definite list of signs your husband wants a divorce, but there are some warning signs you can look out for.
If things have been rocky in your marriage or your husband has just been acting strange, it’s possible he’s getting ready to leave.
Here are 7 signs your husband wants a divorce:
Sign 1 – Secrecy
If your husband is all of a sudden becoming secretive with anything in his life, he might be PLANNING to leave you.
Whether it’s not wanting you to look at his phone or see his text messages, shutting down the computer when you walk in the room, using cash instead of credit or debit cards that leave a trail, or opening new bank accounts that you don’t have access too, you might have something to worry about.
Secrecy means there’s a part of his life that he doesn’t want you to be a part of. This of course doesn’t mean your husband wants a divorce – but it could.
Maybe he’s closing his computer because he’s been looking at some weird porn and doesn’t want to freak you out (this may or may not be an issue for you, but at least it’s not divorce).
Regardless, secrecy in a marriage is dangerous and damaging, and because of an impending divorce, an affair, or something else, it’s something to deal with sooner rather than later.
Sign 2 – Talking to Ex’s On Facebook
We’ve all creeped our ex’s on Facebook to see what they’re up to. It’s so easy to post an innocent status on someone’s wall, make a joke that only the two of you would remember, and end up having coffee.
If your husband is chatting with one or more ex’s, he might be looking for some ‘easy wins’ – people he’s already hooked up with who he could get together with again once he leaves you.
In general this kind of chatting is inappropriate, but from a guy’s point of view it COULD be just some innocent reminiscing that’s not harmful at all.
When it gets combined with the type of secrecy mentioned in Sign 1, it might be a sign your husband wants a divorce.
Sign 3 – Your Sex-life Is Nonexistent
If your husband is completely uninterested in having sex with you, you know that at the very least something is wrong in your marriage. If the reasons aren’t obvious (he’s working 20 hours a day, for example), then one thing to consider is he’s getting it somewhere else.
Watch for surrounding signs that he might be having an affair. Does he jump in the shower immediately after he gets home? Is he dressing better than before? Does he do the laundry when he didn’t before? Is he trying new weight loss product which he never tried before?
Any action that might be used to cover up an affair could be a sign that your bedroom is dead because he’s getting some on the side, and this is always a good sign your husband will want a divorce in the future.
Sign 4 – Lack of Affection
Affection can be a bit trickier to see than actual sex (which is decidedly NOT hard to see). Affection is all the little things that you two used to do throughout the day. Quick hugs and kisses, a squeeze on the arm, joking and teasing, etc. are all ways people show affection for one another.
If you one day notice that your husband has stopped doing any of these, as well as backing off whenever you do, something is definitely wrong.
He could be upset about something, angry with you, distracted, or anything more serious like not being in love with you, having an affair, or planning to divorce you. REMEMBER this is an indicator that something is wrong, not evidence for what he’s going to do.
Sign 5 – Requesting an Open Marriage
If your husband tells you he wants to try anything like an open marriage, a three-way, swinging, or anything that involves either of you in bed with someone else, he might be trying to have his cake and eat it too.
Of course some open/swinger marriages work perfectly well, but only if both spouses are completely on board. If your husband wants to go sleep around and stay married, he may be hoping you’ll end the marriage so he doesn’t have to, or that he can get away with dating other women while technically staying married.
Either way, if this is a new request and he hasn’t brought up something like this before, it’s probably a sign that he’s deeply unsatisfied with some part of your marriage, and whether you allow this to happen or not, you could be heading for divorce.
Sign 6 – Moving Money Around
If your husband starts behaving differently with money, you might have cause for alarm. If he opens another account, moves money from a joint account to a personal one, or anything else out of the ordinary, he might be preparing for the day he leaves you.
It’s imperative that you have a good grasp on your family’s finances and that you know where all the accounts are and how to access them. While one spouse is typically more in charge of managing the finances, don’t allow yourself to be pushed out completely.
Sign 7 – Withdrawing Money
If you two have a savings account or a line of credit that you rarely touch and all of a sudden he’s taking money out of it, he may be trying to hide it so he won’t have to split it in a divorce.
Of course it might be for drugs or gambling problems as well, so again, paying attention to your finances is key.
My Husband Wants a Divorce – What To Do Now
The evidence has been building and you expected this to happen, or you were completely caught off guard. Either way, you can handle it the same way.
This is not the time for blaming, accusations, or threats. Your husband already has an attorney who is going to use any kind of outburst against you in the divorce settlement. STAY CALM.
Listen to What He Says
From this moment on, you have to think strategically. Listen carefully for things HE might say that your attorney will be able to use on your behalf. If he admits to cheating on you or stealing money, tell your attorney. This is why you want to be calm and quiet – to let him dig himself into a hole.
Go Find a Divorce Attorney
Yes, you need one. Yes, you need one who specializes in divorces. Divorce is very specialized and you need someone who understands all of the rules and loopholes in your area. Check referrals and hire one as quickly as you can.
Listen to Your Attorney
From here on out, the situation will be pretty dependent on your specific situation. Luckily you’ve hired an expert to guide you through everything.
Listen to them and follow their advice. [Read – How to File For Divorce – The Basic Steps]
This is going to be a pretty awful process to go through, but it’s also the beginning of the rest of your life – approach it with all the optimism you can muster!