Have a gut feeling that something is going on? Read up on some signs your husband is cheating and see if your instincts are right.
Living with someone day in and day out should give you a pretty good sense of what’s ‘normal’ behavior for them.
The odd change in behavior can be attributed to a lot of things – stress or changes at work, family pressures (kids, relatives, etc.), or even frustrations with one’s spouse.
One quirky or new habit shouldn’t set off alarm bells, but several piling up might give you cause to wonder what’s really happening.
This DOESN’T mean you should spend every day being suspicious, paranoid, and accusatory. This will only encourage your husband to cheat (if he’s going to get accused of it, he might as well actually do it!). In theory, you love this guy and want your marriage to work. Give him the benefit of the doubt until there’s almost no doubt left.
Taken individually, there are probably good explanations for most of these things. Once they start adding up, you are probably right in wondering what’s happening.
For now, let’s take a look at some signs your husband is cheating on you.
Changes in Behavior
Avoids Home – If he’s all of a sudden staying at work later or having ‘business meetings’ when he usually doesn’t, this is one indicator that something’s going on. Similarly, if he’s going out with friends more this might just be another excuse.
You can ask for details about the meetings or see what’s happening at work or when he’s out. If he’s telling the truth there should be no issues in your knowing what he’s been doing. Just don’t approach it as an interrogation and force him to react defensively.
Starts fights – If he’s short-tempered or gets angry about things he used to let slide, it’s a sign that something has changed. Of course this doesn’t mean he’s cheating, but it means SOMETHING is different and you should figure out what it is.
Stops talking to you – If you find dinner becoming a silent affair or your usual morning chit-chat disappearing, there’s probably a reason for it. Maybe he’s just distracted by something at work or another problem he’s having, so don’t push him too much. If it continues you can always bring it up.
New taste in music – We all remember how certain songs remind us of certain times in our life. Being in a new relationship and hearing some new music can fuse the two together.
If he suddenly spends all his time listening to jazz when he never showed an interest before, there’s probably a good reason he’s exploring something new.
Of course it’s not necessarily a woman – it could be a character in a book or one of his friends who’s turned him on to it, but it can be very telling that something has changed.
Bathroom behavior – If he usually showers in the morning and all of a sudden goes to take a shower as soon as he comes home at night, there might be a good reason. If he hasn’t been at the gym you may have reason to be suspicious.
Women have a much stronger sense of smell than men, and if he knows that he’s going to want to wash any sign he’s cheating off of him. You can ‘test’ him a bit by going in for a hug or other close contact right when he gets home. If he’s usually ok with hugging while he’s just worked out and now AVOIDS it, there’s a good reason for it.
Staying up late – Most of us have some kind of internet addiction – whether it’s Reddit, or LOLCats – wasting time online is just so easy. If he starts staying up after you go to sleep every night when this hasn’t happened before, he may be engaging in some kind of behavior that he’s guilty about, such as online chatting or cybersex.
Of course you can try snooping, but if you get caught and he isn’t doing anything wrong, you’re going to look like a real idiot.
Lying – Well this is an easy one. Most people are pretty bad liars. If you ask him where he went for lunch and he starts talking about a government conspiracy, the moon landing, and how it relates to the burrito he ate, he might be trying to cover something up.
If you catch him in an outright lie, just confront him about it and see what happens. Maybe he was sneaking around because he was buying you a birthday present and wanted to surprise you, but really, what are the odds of that happening?
He’s into new stuff – Most men don’t cheat because of a lack of sex at home. If you have a healthy sex life but he’s all of a sudden doing things you’ve never seen before or asking you to do things he’s never expressed an interest in, you should wonder why.
Of course it’s probably just good old fashioned porn that he’s been getting ideas from, but it could be something more.
He’s not into anything – if your husband’s sex drive drops off there’s a very good reason for it. Many things can affect this, such as work stress, money stress, or dissatisfaction with something in your relationship.
But it could be because he’s getting it somewhere else and feels so guilty that he can’t face making love to you anymore. You have every right to ask about this one, and should.
New Wardrobe – Remember when you were first dating how he always dressed well? Most guys end up slacking in the dressing up department after they’ve been married for a few years – they just don’t feel the need to impress anyone anymore.
If he suddenly starts dressing better, there’s a chance he DOES feel the need to impress someone. Like our other signs, this might be because he’s gunning for a promotion, his friends started dressing better, or someone made a comment about how lazy he’s looking.
Working out – If your husband hasn’t lifted anything heavier than a remote control for the last few years and all of a sudden buys weight loss supplement, something has changed.
It could be a medical scare, seeing an old friend who’s still in good shape, or he watched Fight Club the night before. Or it could be that someone’s been smiling at him in a way he’s not used to and he wants to make sure the best version of himself is smiling back.
Hidden Spending – Every couple has a different system of tracking expenses. If you already have separate accounts it might be hard to tell if something is up. If he starts withdrawing large amounts of cash when he’d normally use a credit or debit card, it’s because he doesn’t want to have his spending tracked.
Maybe he’s trying to spend less, or he started going to a lunch place that only takes cash. Or maybe he wants to buy some nice dinners and some jewelry that you won’t know about.
Buying you gifts – On the other hand, maybe all of a sudden he’s a lot more generous with you. Those flowers you’ve been hinting at for the last few years? Suddenly they’re appearing weekly.
Maybe he’s buying you jewelry or taking you to your favorite restaurant. Of course kind acts like this shouldn’t immediately be cause for suspicion, but combined with other signs it can be very telling.
Facebook – A recent study found that Facebook was cited in over a third of all divorce cases. It’s just too EASY to reconnect with old flames and innocently suggest a catch-up over coffee. That he’s on Facebook isn’t suggestive of anything.
If he doesn’t add you, then he might be hiding something. If he closes the laptop as soon as you come in the room or always logs out when he leaves the room, there’s probably a good reason for that.
Don’t believe that you have a RIGHT to have access to his Facebook or email accounts – you don’t. But consistent paranoia on his part is a warning sign you should definitely pay attention to, as it’s one of the strongest signs that your husband is cheating on you.
Cell Phone – If he takes his cell phone into the bathroom with him, he’s probably just browsing the web instead of reading a magazine. If he snatches it out of your hand when it buzzes, you should wonder why.
There are a lot of ways to act in a suspicious manner with your phone. Hiding it, deleting text messages, locking it and not giving you the unlock code, and having obscure titles for contacts are all signs that he’s hiding the truth.
If he leaves the room to talk in private when that usually never happens, there may also be reason to be concerned.
Is my husband cheating?
Don’t use any one of these as proof your husband is cheating. It would be a miserable marriage where a flag was raised every time he went to take a shower or bought you flowers.
Above all else, your guy will set the stage by triggering your suspicion. The signs listed above will just be pieces of evidence that make things clearer.
Remember not to accuse without real proof, and don’t spend your life assuming he’s cheating and look for ways to catch him.
Hopefully you never have to deal with something like this, but if your gut tells you something’s wrong, these signs should make it clearer.