To have a healthy sex life you need to find out exactly what and how you want. If you haven’t told him, then how is he supposed to know?
Since having a healthy sex life is very important in virtually any relationship, we have covered various tips and ideas on our site.
Furthermore, we have divided this article into two parts so that you can follow the tips easily.
We are writing about self exploration in Part-1 (this one) and about how to have better sex in Part-2.
If you want to check out Part-2 directly, then click on the following link – How To Have Better Sex – 10 Ways To Have a Great & Spicy Sex Life
Ok, ladies, on our site you will find that I mention COMMUNICATION an awful lot, and that is because it is, and always will be, the most important part of any relationship; you need to be able to tell each other what your needs and wants are, not only to do with sex, but to do with every aspect of your relationship.
If you don’t ask him what he would like for his dinner, how are you meant to know? Conversely, if you haven’t told him that you can’t stand shellfish, then how is he supposed to know?
We take all those kinds of communication for granted, yet we can still be shy about discussing our sexual needs.
Swallow Your Pride
Many women find that their partner doesn’t stimulate them in quite the right way for them, and this is crucial; mutual masturbation is not a ‘one-size-fits-all kind of thing’; what works for one person may not work for another.
For example, a previous partner may have rubbed your clitoris too firmly, and made you sore; another one may have been wonderful at oral, but not at masturbating you.
Did you ever tell them that they weren’t doing it in the right way for you? I would imagine not, and therefore we cannot really complain if all we do is lie there, going ‘Oh that was wonderful’, when it may have been anything but!
He will continue doing what he’s doing, and thinking that you are enjoying it, so swallow your pride, and tell him!
The only way you can show (or tell) him which buttons to press, is to know exactly what you want and where you need the pressure etc.
The best way to find out what works for you is by masturbation; and by this, I don’t mean that you give yourself a quick fumble under the duvet; I mean that you explore every inch of your genitals until you are completely familiar with what feels good. Only then will you be able to show your partner how to do it.
I would suggest that even if you masturbate regularly, that you should take some time out when you are not going to be disturbed, to get to really know your body; relax in a nice hot bubble bath, or shower.
Start by giving yourself a head massage, using small circular motions with your fingertips, this really helps to relieve tension, and relax you.
When your body is soapy, run your hands across your arms and up your shoulders, concentrating on how sensuous your skin feels; move your hands to your breasts and massage them gently at first, before experimenting by twisting and pulling your nipples.
This often feels like an almost electric shock has passed from your nipples and down to your genitals.
Dry your body off, and slather yourself with body lotion, or your favourite massage oil, and massage it in to your body, starting with your ankles, and working your way up your legs.
Lie down on the bed, and make sure that you have a hand-held mirror at your side. Place your feet flat on the bed so that your knees are pointing at the ceiling, and use one hand to gently part your labia, while holding the mirror with the other one.
Inspect your innermost folds, look at your clitoris, and massage either side of it, (making sure that you have either spit or lubrication on your fingers.)
Notice how your clitoris becomes erect, and almost seems to ‘appear’ from the folds of its covering hood; imagine moving your lovers’ hand and placing it exactly where your fingers are now.
Many women find that stimulation directly on the clitoris can be almost too much, and virtually painful; experiment with what works for you by sliding your fingers around the edges of the hood, then moving them downwards towards the entrance to your vagina.
Take a look at how it shines with moisture, and spread that all around those inner lips, enjoying the sensation of there being no pressure to ‘perform’ in any way; this is all about you, and no-one else.
The Elusive G-Spot
Try inserting one or two fingers into your vagina, move them inwards about 2.5 to 5cm, (with your fingertips pointing towards the ceiling and not the bed), and see if you can feel a spongy, slightly ‘knobbly‘ raised area that feels different to the smooth areas either side of it.
If you find this, congratulations, you have now discovered your G-Spot!
Although there is still some controversy as to whether this actually exists, many women have found theirs, and swear that it feels completely different when they orgasm by that being stimulated, as oppose to the clitoris.
Try tapping this spot with alternating fingertips, and you will be amazed by the sensation; alternate that by rubbing it, and try using your other hand on your clitoris at the same time. (You may have to abandon the mirror now your hands are otherwise occupied!)
If you cannot locate your G-Spot, don’t worry about it, many women cannot find it themselves, as their fingers can be too short, so ask your partner to have a go; tell him where it should be, and you could be pleasantly surprised!
You can buy a vibrator that has a curved end which is especially for G-Spot stimulation; simply make sure that the curve is pointing upwards to the ceiling, and you should find that it will hit the right spot.
Some women find that they can actually ejaculate fluid when the G-Spot is stimulated, so it may be an idea to warn your partner, just in case; some men have thought it was urine seeping out!
If you still have not found a G-spot, no matter, concentrate on your clitoris, where does it need to be rubbed? Vary the speed and the pressure, until pretty soon, you will know that you are about to orgasm; try stopping yourself just before, and leave the clitoris alone for a few moments, then return to it.
If you try this a few times, you will almost certainly discover that your orgasm will be more powerful than if you had let it happen first time. [Also read – Tempting Light Bondage Ideas To Achieve an Powerful Orgasm]
Share and Share Alike
Now you know how to do it to yourself, and what works best, and where; this is the time to share your new-found information with your partner.
Talk to him, show him, and then talk again; and also take on board that he may have a different way of showing you what works for him. [Must read – How to Please Your Man – The Complete Guide]
Maybe you have caught him with your teeth when doing oral, or maybe he doesn’t (or does!) like having his balls gently squeezed, listen to him, and between the two of you, you should find that you end up having a far better healthy sex life than someone who lies there and ‘takes it!’