So she broke up with you and you’re a mess.
Maybe you’re trying to keep a good game face on and pretend it doesn’t really bother you, or maybe you’re going into full playoff mode with the beard and no showering.
You know you want her back, but you also know that there are a lot more ways to screw up your chances than there are to salvage the relationship.
Don’t worry, we’re going to show you how to get your ex girlfriend back and make your relationship better than it ever was. We can rebuild it – we have the technology.
Here are the 10 definite ways to win back your ex girlfriend for good:
Accept the breakup
Something was very wrong with your relationship, and then it ended. You have to take responsibility for whatever that was, and you have to accept that, for now at least, it’s over.
This isn’t just a slow period or a bit of a misstep – it’s OVER.
Beard up and get introspective
Before you even think of getting in touch with her, you have to do some deep thinking about what went wrong.
You might be angry, feel you were treated badly, or whatever, but it’s time to ignore all that and try to remember what she was actually saying when she was telling you things weren’t working out.
She probably had little complaints before things got really bad. Things like “We never go out anymore”, or “All my friends are ______”. She might have been subtle, but in her mind she was desperately trying to tell you what was wrong and how you could fix it.
This is not the time to justify what you were doing. If you catch yourself saying things like “Our sex life was fine, I don’t know what she was always complaining about that it was boring“. It WAS boring, and now you have to figure out how you can fix that next time.
The two things you want to identify are:
– What was missing from your relationship
– What you could do differently next time
Once you understand this, you can start making positive changes with these things in mind.
To contact or not to contact
You absolutely need some space after a breakup. So if you’re reading this and you two broke up last week, do NOT call, text, or message her on Facebook.
After a good amount of time (a month is a good benchmark) you can start with a bit of casual contact. This might be a happy birthday message (or any other milestone).
AVOID public communication like posting on her Facebook wall as it will make things awkward with her and her friends (“OMG, why is he talking to you?”).
You want to remind her that you’re around and show her that you remember things that are important to her.
Become a better man
Face it – if you were perfect, you’d still be together. There are things about you that you were slacking on, and now it’s the perfect time to fix them.
If you’re out of shape, get on that first. Hit the gym or join a team of something. Not only will you feel better about yourself, everyone else will notice a change in you as well.
If your wardrobe consists of the same clothes you wore in your dorm room, spruce it up a bit. Don’t max out your credit card, just find a couple items you can use to look professional, successful, and grown up.
Now look at the smaller things. If you didn’t know how to cook, figure out a couple easy dishes you can pull out when you need them. If she had a problem with your drinking or smoking, start getting that under control.
Any other complaints she might have had that you thought of before should also be addressed. The goal is to show her an improved and better man when you start actually talking to her.
Don’t fix what isn’t broken
Use common sense in this self-improvement process. If she complained that you spent too much time at the gym, don’t go get even bigger and hope she’ll be impressed. If possible, try home gym equipments so you spend more time at home.
If you’re going to get back with your ex girlfriend you’re going to have to be smart and strategic.
Don’t be her bitch
It’s easy to assume that the dump-er is fine emotionally and that they moved on with their lives the next day. If your relationship was serious, this probably isn’t the case. She’s quite likely plagued with doubt, anxiety, and loneliness.
She may act out of fear and try to keep some kind of contact with you to reassure her that she’ll be ok (not ok with you, just ok).
This could be anything from asking you to help with random things (“My computer’s acting weird and you were always the one who fixed it”) or something more important (“I know we broke up but we’d already agreed to go to my sister’s party next week and I don’t want to explain to everyone why you’re not there”).
Saying YES to things like this might be exactly what you want to do. It’s contact, and you’ll want to tell yourself that these are good signs.
You had to accept that the relationship is over, and she has to as well. If you keep letting her have her cake and eat it too, she’ll have no reason to actually take you back.
When you DO get back in touch with her, you have to show her you’re both the same person she fell for AND that you’re a new and better man.
Confidence is the cornerstone of this, and being healthy, well-dressed, happy, social, and successful are all important. You don’t want to show her that you were emotionally crippled or that you’re still hurting from the breakup – pity is NOT the way to get your ex girlfriend back.
Part of being alpha is reclaiming your sexuality. Talk to other women and regain that confidence that there are other women out there who want you.
Do NOT go overboard on this and start sleeping with everyone you can – when your ex asks you what you’ve been up to, this will reflect badly on you.
The image you want her to see is someone who doesn’t need her, is better than he used to be, but who WANTS her.
Time for real contact
You’re finally ready to start rebuilding the relationship and win your ex back. The first step to doing this is apologizing. Still think she was just crazy and that you have nothing to apologize for? Guess what? This probably isn’t going to work out.
You did SOMETHING you can apologize for, and starting with that is a good way to show her you’ve thought about what happened and want to take steps to make amends.
It’s also pretty hard to ignore someone who’s making a heartfelt apology.
See how she responds. Does she offer any type of apology of her own? Is she cold and avoiding eye-contact, hoping you’ll just say your piece and leave her alone?
After you apologize, lead the conversation to fonder memories. She may have spent the last month convincing herself there were never any good times between the two of you.
This is to protect herself, and you have to work to undo that. Make some jokes only she would get (i.e. “This reminds me of that time we …”).
As the conversation goes (whether it’s this same conversation or you’re speaking at a later time), you want to show her that you’ve thought a lot about the problems you two had and that you’ve already taken steps to address them.
Just trying to convince her that you’ll do things differently is not how to win back your ex. You have to show her, without a DOUBT, that her objection that you were always lazy and poorly dressed and never showed initiative is simply no longer the case.
The sharply pressed shirt and your story about that startup business you launched that finally use your talents the way you want to will really force her to reexamine you in a new light.
Tickle her nostalgia and plant seeds for the future
As you’re talking with her, you want to continue to remind her of all the best times you had together. Whether it was romantic, social, fun, or whatever, keeping her flashing back to happy times will help her forget all the bad things that came at the end.
At the same time, you’re showing her you’re confident, successful, and passionate. You’re also demonstrating that you’re exactly the type of guy she wants.
Take things slow, but make the move
You’re probably hurt from being rejected, and you may be scared to outright tell her you want her back for fear you’ll be rejected again. Tough…
At some point you’re just going to have to tell her what you want. Tell her it’s been great talking to her again, that you’ve enjoyed her company, and that even after making all these changes in your life and meeting new people, you still really miss her.
Do NOT ask her if you can simply start up your relationship again. That relationship is over (you accepted it, remember?). You CAN ask her out on a date. A simple date, with no expectations and no thoughts to the future.
If you’ve successfully reminded her of all the good times and shown her that you’ve made real changes in your life, she’ll hopefully be happy with spending some more time with you.