We want relationships to last forever, but they often don’t; learning how to break up a long distance relationship is difficult, so find out about the different ways you can do it the right way.
So, you’ve reached a point when you feel your relationship cannot be fixed, and ask yourself: “How do I break up a long distance relationship now?“
Long distance relationships are a CLASS of their own.
They are delicate and rest upon fragile balances and structures, because you cannot foster a relationship when your partner is not around.
This is why you need to be extra gentle, respectful and honest with your long distance relationship partner when that time comes.
Think it through
Long distance relationships are (twice!) as hard(being rather modest here) as conventional relationships.
The distance alone makes matters worse. You see, physical intimacy is a crucial part of relationships, and long distance relationships lack this part, which magnifies every little problem.
For instance, after a fight there’s no cuddling, kissing or make-up sex. The reconciliation is limited to comforting words and promises to never fight again. Reassuring hugs from your significant other are just not possible.
But what does intimacy have to do with breaking up? Most people find this lack of physical contact unbearable. Even though their problems are not that significant, this lack of intimacy just makes everything worse, finally wearing love and passion out.
Before you go out and break someone’s heart, be aware of your feelings.
- Have you done all you could to fix whatever has been bothering you?
- Did you openly discuss it with your partner?
- Is there really no other solution other than breaking up?
Since you’re the one doing the breaking up you need to ensure that you won’t REGRET IT later on.
In other words, once it’s done, it cannot be undone – unless you have a partner that is very forgiving. When it comes to break ups there’s no room for acting immature or being thoughtless.
Identify the reasons
What brought you to this desperate state to want to break free? Be honest about whose fault was it, even if it is not in your best interest. Did you discover your feelings weren’t as strong as you thought?
Do you find it hard to resist other women/men? Do you feel your relationship is getting in the way of other priorities? Is the long distance element putting a strain on you?
Identifying the driving force behind your decision will make it easier for both of you to deal with it less painfully.
Do it in person
Now that you’ve thought it through and have determined the reasons why you must break up, it is time for the awkward part. It would be better if you break-up in person.
It might sound too harsh, but it’s actually even worse doing it over the phone (don’t get me started on text break-ups).
In case you feel like you won’t be able to say all the things you want, you can also write a letter. Use this letter to explain in detail your thought process and everything else you might feel is significant enough for your partner to know.
Give them at least that – a proper, civilized break up.
Explain whose fault it is
This is a delicate issue. Even though it might be their fault that you’re breaking up with them, you have to be careful when approaching the issue.
So if you’re breaking up because they were too controlling and jealous, try putting it in a way that doesn’t make them feel like it was entirely their fault. Show how you are to blame as well. For instance, you can say something like:
I should be more patient and understanding. We’ve never been apart before, so it’s only reasonable that you get so jealous. I just couldn’t handle it.
Ideally, you need to explain what their mistake was, so that they can fix it once they’re in another relationship, but be sure to do it in a subtle way.
Make them feel like you still care, and that you only say things out of love rather than resentment.
Give them a chance to talk (perhaps even try to convince you to go back)
Now’s the time when you sit back and be yelled at. You must give them a CHANCE to explain themselves, to apologize, to even try and convince you to start over.
Don’t rush to leave them.
You’ve known about the break up coming for some time; they are the ones who are taken aback by all this. Give them time to digest it all.
Let them talk for as long as they need to in order to voice their feelings. They’re suffering,so you must acknowledge and respect that.
Avoid being defensive and let them take it all out – the crying, the screaming, everything…unless, of course, it starts to become a bit too much.
After you talk it through and there’s nothing more to say, you can then walk away.
Respect their decisions
You should be cooperative, and if possible do the best you can to help them get over it. But never, ever agree to stay in touch, as it only makes matters worse.
Once it’s over, it’s over, and this is the only way you can move on.
This is perhaps the time when they need you the most. Don’t be cruel, try to be supportive, even if what you actually want is to run away.
Urge them to move on, emphasize how kind and generous they are, and give them hope and inspiration to move on to something better and more fulfilling.
Breaking up with a long distance partner is a very complicated and delicate issue. It should be handled very CAREFULLY, otherwise you risk hurting the other person irreparably.
They deserve your respect, acknowledge and support, and it’s the only way both of you can move on.